For young ladies and young men alike, the quest for relationship and affirmation runs strong and deep. What is the answer if a relationship is wanted? What kind might it be? What do you not want it to be?
A couple years ago I observed post after post by a young lady. She always displayed a beautiful smile, a deliberately inviting posture, and little comment. She was inviting and wanting attention. As it got repetitive and a bit more pointed on social media, I sent a personal note, as any father might, suggesting that her degree of self-advertisement was not likely to deliver a good relationship. I affirmed her but told her that the subtle advertising was not needed and could lead to the wrong things.
Young men seem a bit less inclined to advertise themselves in exactly the same ways, but they are certainly find other ways to do it. They have the same desire for relationship and affirmation. The game playing is often counter-productive. I have been in situations to watch the eyes of many young people, observing what they notice, what turns their heads, and what begins to engage conversation with others. I observe that age makes a big difference. Some time ago I was given opportunity to talk to two groups, one after the other. The first group was younger (barely teens). They were on the subject, responsive, and inquisitive. The second group was about five years older. The response was hollow, polite but empty of conviction or expression. They were otherwise engaged on priority #1: relationships. You could see it in their behavior. This not uncommon, but it points to the depth and effects of a desire for meaningful relationship and affirmation compared to other things. The problem is how it is done and to what end.
God made us to be social. The issue is not whether we are socially minded, but how that plays out. In many cases, it plays our very poorly and often contrary to biblical standards. Why? What gets derailed or turned so easily? Is sensuality driving the desire, or is it honest friendship? Can you tell the difference?
With a living relationship between a person and Christ, words in the Bible start to come alive in practical lives. There comes a realization that there is something going on that is much bigger and more solid than we are. The testimony of many young believers who have made a wholehearted commitment to God is that they know God loves them personally. Do you know that kind of affirmation? This root affirmation of who we are is meant to change our course. It can positively affect our actions and conduct of relationships. There is a place for young believers to experience the joy of good relationships if their commitment to Christ is real. What is good? The Bible is quite clear about the subject.
Most young people will be married one day, and the covenant was designed from the start by the One that affirms each of us. However, the physical parts of that relationship are special and not appropriate outside the covenant. What if a person is single? God’s prime commands remain pertinent — loving each other and our neighbor as our self. Out of these paths come relationships that are sound. Out of this environment, a marriage might eventually take place. However, while single, whether male or female, friendship was designed to involve His oversight and involvement. Without this understanding and a walk with God from the heart, we self-advertise, then conduct relationships on norms that often miss the mark. The scripture is truthful about such things and indicates what is healthy and what is not. Without that, the world’s patterns, or what we want (without God), take precedent.
I have told many young ladies and men to learn to be a friend, a good friend, and a trustworthy friend. Learn and experience the joy of good friendship in Christ. If it leads one day to a marriage (between a man and a woman), you will have already learned to talk and relate on terms that are healthy, including hard spots where we learn to overcome misjudgments, mistakes, or offense. The preciousness of honesty and closeness in any relationship is a taste of His lovingkindness to us. Friendships are worth having His way. He has made a place for us to walk in them.
1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
John 14:17 “These things I command you, so that you will love one another.”
2 Peter 1:6,8 “…make every effort to supplement your faith with…with brotherly affection, and with brotherly affection with love.
