It is not easy walking with my loved one as a degenerative disease and its treatment slowly destroy her body. Some days inside of me are just dark. The darkness is accompanied by a sadness that goes to the bone. By God’s loving help in time of need, those days are not every day, but they are still too frequent. Sometimes the numbness that accompanies the dark times stops me in midstream as I catch my breath then sigh. There are some that have had worse situations, but that is little consolation when I see the daily impact on her.
The walk through this is now reaching a quarter of a century. The intensity of the walk has only increased as the disease has moved forward. We have seen miracles as the Lord has worked in circumstances through the period, but none of them have touched the essence of nature of the progress of the disease.
A week ago I left her side at the cancer treatment center to take a walk. It was one of those dark days, and I was beyond feeling anything, especially anything spiritual. I recalled a reminder from the Lord that He reigns like the sun, even through clouds appear to block its light. I did not have anything gain, but I raised my hands and acknowledged Him by faith. The walkway was near a road with passing cars. I am sure some thought the scene a bit strange. After a few seconds, I lowered my hands, but decided it was appropriate to raise them again. My praise was short but accompanied by faith. This particular time the heaviness lifted rather quickly.
A few days later, in reviewing the some Psalms, I rediscovered the stark reality of David’s plights that yielded similar responses. With enemies against him, with questions about whether God was there anymore, and with cries for help in those kinds of circumstances, he yet praised God, the same God I have grown to know.
So is the nature of a walk of perseverence for those who acknowledge the Lord God and call on His name. He loves me in this broken world and walks with me. He does the same for those who love Him and call on His name.
Psalm 103:14 For he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 69:3,13,14 I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God…But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the mire.